New week

Ive had my free day with chocolate and lamingtons.....yes i know, but Im paying for it now and I feel sick. I would love to actually listen to my body and NOT eat shit. It makes me sick, literally and because Im too arrogant at times, I can't help myself. I put it down to just plain stupidity.

Anyway, I feel sick and now I will have to put up with it til tomorow. I don't think the Shakes agreed with me either, I felt...just funny all week, I think it is not enough substance for me, Im basically a single mother at the moment, doing everything for 4 children, studying, and trying to keep myself together, I liked that fact that I never felt full and bloated and the weight did come off...(well sort of, 500grams off this week is the same as doing it with food) So I am doing points down to the letter this week and see how I go.

I am on 21 points a day according to this. I still am really annoyed with myself that I couldn't keep my weight under 68 this week, but whats done is done, so new week tomorow:)

Shakes this week

Im gonna do the shake thing this week, only for a week to kick my ass a bit more, Free day today, I had a wicked dinner planned for the kids and it is a all time fave of mine to, my grandma used to make it whenever I went on Holidays with her!! Anyway, lets just say it is fat filled shit and I only make it once every 6months at least, whenever hubby is not here cause he hates it!!!!

So today's food

Toast-vegetmite and honey
coffee
pikelets, jam and lite cream
shake
Wicked dinner......

I am missing my bike rides too, I will put the bike on the trainer today at some stage???? Maybe???? I hate sitting in the one spot on the bike, but I hate this fat more, so I will make sure I do it. I have to have more of 500gram loss this week, 1kilo would be great, but Im not putting any pressure on myself either, what happens happens.

I know shakes are bad but for a week it won't kill me.

Not good

oh dear, a slip, losing a child to 'big school' and tom isn't doing very well for my diet today!! Ive eaten a few badies today...and NO bike ride,,Im annoyed about that the most, thats for sure, I will be going in the morning, with or without the husband. He gets a bit lazy sometimes and then other times he's all for it and pushing me out the door, can't keep up!!

Isn't it amazing how you can go great guns and then BANG, something just slips and you fall back, dare I say 'off the wagon', man, I have said it before, Im so sick of this battle, its so easy in theory, eat healthy clean food, nothing processed, or out of a packet, drink plenty of water, blah fucking blah, sick of hearing it, sick of reading it, yada yada yada!! Ive finished the Susan Powter book, well nearly and she has some valid points maybe, Im yet to try them, but the thought of eating heaps of the good stuff even raises red flags to me?? She is telling me to work at my intensity level and everything will just 'follow' hmmm, im undecided on that one to, I would think I would need to go like a bat outta hell and work up a huge sweat to make a difference. Ive done that and thats when I found some shape in this body of mine!!

She also says enjoy the 'process', hmm again, not liking that point, I don't want to know myself fat and unfit, but I do regret not taking a photo in my bikini at 81kilos!! Imagine that!

oh I wish I wish I wish I hadda!! I think that's what she means tho, embrace the changes and really revell in them, like really remember when you were at your heaviest and remember you don't want to be there again? I know I certainly won't ever be 80+kilos again.

They say you need to visualize yourself where you want to be, hmm again, Im having trouble with this one, I want to see myself thin and slim and no tummy, another thing she mentions that I enjoyed reading, the stomach- she says, (Susan), that of course you can train the muscles underneath, but you need to lose all the fat before you can see them, well yes I realize this, but she says..I'll just go and find it...

Quote

that stuff hanging off your stomach is fat. The only thing that is going to burn that fat off your stomach and the rest of your body is aerobic activity. It will burn off- ..there is no way on earth that you will sill have fat hanging from your stomach at 15, 17, 19- 20% body fat, have increased your lean muscle mass and are lean and strong and healthy. Think about it. Are you going to be lean everywhere but your stomach? Nope, not possible. It will burn off your stomach just the way it burns off everywhere else.

So that was from her book and yes I have some hope that she is telling the truth, but that flies out the window when I eat crap and then feel sorry for myself, this I find pathetic, so I will put it behind me and move forward and concentrate on the new day in the morning and keep going just as everyone else has to:)

the end *poking tounge!*hehe

my baby is off to school!!!

Well my second littleist baby is off, she is so excited and all ready to go!! How exciting, I will only have one more at home!!!! yayayayayayayayayayayayay!!lol
Bag is packed, lunch is packed and we are waiting to leave, well in about an hours time!!! Can't wait, she was nervous last night and couldn't get to sleep but she managed ok!!

So not much else at the moment, teenager is back and causing trouble all ready, little shit pierced his ear and we have told him to take it out, but he is so disrespectful he is refusing, makes me sick and Ive really had enough, oh well, such is life with a teenager!

So we didn't get top go ridering yesterday, hubby was away for a bloody 6hour ride, he didn't mean to go for that long(???) so we are going today and it will be without Mikayla!! Weird! I guess it will take a bit to get used to, but I will!!

So everything is still crossed for the job, I really hope she can accomodate me with the hours, just for a while, would be nice, not that I really want to be a shit kicking apprentice, but I guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do!!! hope hope hope!!!! maybe its my turn??????????

The beach

The beach is the best, really!! the kids love it and I love it too, although it was low tide and I didn't swim this morning, I was happy to just stay at the edge with Cam, we went yesterday and he nearly drowned and I can't get the image outta my head. Horrible, he didn't drown, drown, just lost his balance and was floating on his back going under and trying to get up, hubby and I were about a metre away, scary stuff. He got over it well and had a cry, but still its awful.

We are riding this arvo, I hope, thats the plan, but hubby has gone for a motorbike ride this morning and if I know him, he will be tired and will want a nanna nap this arvo, But being the persistant bitch that I am I will pester til we go!!!

Ive been having shakes for 2 meals a day, one healthy meal at night and 2 fruit snacks in the day. Seems to be going OK so far. I really want to get outta the 67-68's so I hope this is the kick in the ass I need! It all helps Im sure. I just hope the bike riding is good enough cardio, I think it is, plus I have the dreadmill to I guess, Im just over it at the moment:)

Anyway, I have a pile of books to cover and some housework to do so Im off to have my daily fix of reading and then I have to so something!!

Have a great day everyone:)